Cari’s Blog #4

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Inspiration – a letter to Eric by Josh Yach

Hey Everyone,

A quick update on Eric.  He actually does not have the VRE like we thought he might.  VRE would have been the “bad guy” to deal with in this case.  He however does seem to have a strep/pneumonia infection going on.  Still not 100% sure on that, as the cultures won’t grow until tomorrow sometime, so we will know more then.

As of right now Eric is on enough meds that should hold him through until we can narrow down some more as to what’s up.  We seem to be on the right track, and I don’t have to wear a gown and gloves to bed tonight, or when I walk into the room.  However, it still is pretty serious.  It’s never good to have an infection somewhere, and no way to fight it off in your own body.

I know this is simple stuff we should all know, but Eric’s reinforced this on me.  You never really know what the person next to you is going through.  You may think you have it bad, but the person next to you in line at sbarro could have it tons worse.   I made my way up to the food court to get him what he wanted, and I was thinking about my actions the last couple days.  I have a tendency to road rage a little bit, and give people the “One finger salute” often when I drive.  In fact, I may have flipped off Froedtert’s chapel as I walked past it on Monday while walking up to Eric’s room.  I suddenly felt really bad about yelling at the little old lady who was blocking traffic in the parking garage waiting forever to get the spot somebody was just going to be pulling out of.   She was there to see a loved one as well.  How crappy of me to want to get out of the car and start yelling because I wanted to find a spot quick and she was in my way.

Eric’s lived a pretty normal life, other than the fact he has been dealt a crappy hand the past 8 or so years.  He’s been able to graduate, get married, get a job in the real world.   He’s been to the movies, and out to eat and had nobody know who he is.  It made me wonder how many other people are out there, even in that mall alone, dealing with things like this.  It’s not that hard for me to hold a door open for an elderly couple coming through as I am, or to smile and say, “Hey” when I pass someone in the hallway.  That little gesture alone can honestly lift someone’s whole day.

I was thinking about all of this, and keeping it to myself, but then when I got back and left Eric’s room again, the nurses on a different unit were talking to me as I walked down their hall.  One noticed I finally went home and changed since being here Monday, and that I finally left the hospital to at least shower.  Another noticed that all my pajama’s when I’m here are victorias secret “pink” sweats, and another noticed that I’ve been bringing in a lot of take out, and usually do when I’m around.  The nurses on Eric’s unit all know me by name, even if they aren’t his nurses, and I honestly feel like the staff here is so much more than just staff.  They truly care about every one of their patients.  I’ve had a lot of different interactions with a lot of different people in the last 48 hours, and I’m pretty sure the girl who rang up my food order and commented on how pretty she thinks my wedding ring is, will never know how much she honestly impacted my day.  The lady on 4nw who has now started calling me “Pink” because I wear so much of it, will probably never know how just making eye contact and smiling can lift my whole mood for awhile.  And you guys out there who keep sending us messages, and things, have no idea how much it makes us feel better knowing you’re all fighting and praying right along with us.

Eric and I had one final conversation before he went to sleep tonight.  I know he’s mentally drained out.  He’s sick of people poking him, and moving him, and scanning various body parts.  It sucks to be a patient in the hospital.  You just want to be left alone, but everybody and their mom also needs to keep tabs on your progress.  Eric and I call ourselves a team.  He’s not just in it alone, I’m in it with him.  He knows that if for some reason he just can’t get the strength to continue fighting, that I’m his little back up battery, and I will continue to stay positive about it all.  He’s still positive he’s going to kick this things butt, but I can’t imagine being in his shoes.  My theory is that WHEN they get him into remission, he will stay there.  If for some reason he does not, they will put him back into remission.  At some point in all of this, they should hopefully find a cure.  They’ve been working on a cure forever now. Sooner or later one has to come up.  I refuse to give up on that hope that Eric being a special case, and now fighting this for the 5th time, (Which is special on it’s own) that he wouldn’t make it.  I like to think of him as being part of the answer to the cure, and as long as they can keep him going, we will find an answer.  So far, his oncologist has been pretty positive about kicking this things butt.  I’ve also learned he’s very up to date on what’s going on in the medical world, and willing to try something if he thinks it might work.  His oncologist, is amazing.  I have 110% confidence he is in the right hands, and will outlive every single one of us.

As soon as we know what exactly is going on with Eric, I will post an update, or maybe he’ll even feel up to doing a video.  He made one today, but in he’s been pretty tired and hasn’t had a chance to get it on the site yet.   Thanks again to EVERYONE for your continued support and love.  It means the world to us.