I wish I knew the right words to say here right now.   Blog #19 was such a happy one.  It’s one that I will never forget.  I wish I could say the same for this blog.  Since you guys have all been waiting for an update….here it goes:

Yesterday Eric had a bone marrow biopsy.  My hope was that the bone marrow would show the .02% that it had shown before, or less.  I was actually pretty hopeful that it wouldn’t show too much because Eric had developed some GVHD in the past month.  This was a good thing, because the GVHD was showing that his immune system seemed to be attacking things the way it should be.

I was on the phone with Eric’s mom Mary, and my phone had beeped.  It was an unknown number so I knew right then and there it was the hospital.  Usually, they don’t give results the next day because they don’t have the full results.  They have the preliminaries back.  Well, I was expecting to hear the voice of a Physician’s Assistant, or anyone that’s not Eric’s actual oncologist.  To my surprise, it was his oncologist.  I knew right then and there this wasn’t going to be a good phone call.

His doctor confirmed what I didn’t want to hear.  Eric’s bone marrow has cancer in it, and it’s above the .02%.  My first reaction was, “holy crap do we come in now?”  His doctor was so calm about it and said “No, come in Monday and we will talk.”  By talk, his doctor means having the “quality of life, vs. quantity of life talk.”  At the age of 27, Eric and I are going to go into a doctor’s office and have a talk about what happens next.  There isn’t anything they can really do to treat the bone marrow cancer. If there was something they could do, chances are it could MAYBE get him into remission and then he’d relapse again shortly after.  Eric’s been through hell and back already.  The man has seriously given his all to this fight.  There is no one out there that I have ever met that has fought something with such dignity and vengeance at the same time.  Eric is one truly amazing man.  He has made all of us proud throughout all of this, and has touched so many lives.  Without Eric, there are people who would’ve given up their fight a long time ago.   As screwed up as it sounds, I am very fortunate.  I have met the man of my dreams, fell in love, and fought hard to keep it happy, even when things are tough.   Cancer is a vicious disease, and you have to be a very strong willed person to fight it off.  Eric’s doctors have been nothing but amazing.

Right now Eric and I, and the rest of our family are just trying to let this sink in.  Eric’s fought so hard for 9 years, and we have watched with a feeling of helplessness.   I wish I could really write out what I was thinking so you guys could really get a feel of what we’re feeling, but to be honest, I’m numb.  I’ve spent the last couple hours crying, talking with the neighbor lady, and crying with Eric some more. We will keep you updated when we know more, but as of right now, we don’t know what to think other than he’s got the cancer in his brain, and in his bone marrow, and we need to talk to the Doctor Monday to get some information.

Thank you all for your continued support.  We love you all for it.

Cari