Cari’s Blog #23

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Hey Everyone,

I know it’s been a bit since I’ve blogged…but things have been crazy.  Eric was lucky enough to get out of the hospital for Easter, but had to come back in the next day, to get some IV meds.  He’s looking a million times better than before!

Eric and I (as well as the rest of our family members)  have been on a rollercoaster of emotions.  We were in fact told, (this will be the exact quote) “Leukemia is your nemesis, it will kill you.”  Now when you’re 27,  just married, this isn’t something you want to hear, let alone ever expect to hear.

We spent the next couple of days either crying, or not knowing what to think.  This was back when we found out it was in his brain.

Then it came back in his marrow.  (I know I’ve written blogs about both of these occurances)

I am very happy to report that it is out of his brain.  His CSF came back clear the last two times, and he has one more chemo treatment to go before they are done treating his brain.  Now we’re focusing on tackling the bone part.  His doctor says there’s no cure.  We can try things to prolong life…but there’s no cure.  I say, I’ll believe it when I see it.  Eric’s doctor told us, “About six months if you do the chemo.”  Eric’s wife (me) says “no one knows when they’re going to die.  His doctor could be wrong and he could have years!  I could go before he does!” So I will believe that when I see it.

I will admit that I was in a little bit of a depressive funk there for a bit assuming the worst, however; I really feel like if anyone is going to beat this evil disease, it’s Eric.  I have had tons of people come up to me to tell me that Eric and I have changed their lives. The thing is…Eric has, not me.    Through this rollercoaster of a month, I have seen my husband get chemo straight to his brain, his spine tapped, go through two brain surgeries, and still put a smile on his face.  My husband has taught me that no matter what, just keep going.  Eric really has done just that.

You all will laugh at the 27 year old, who is about to go through a Dolly Parton song that just hit me this week.  The song is titled, “Better get to Livin’” the song is about how the small things in life don’t matter.  It’s so true.  If that’s one thing I’ve learned the last couple weeks is, that if you’re not dead, you are still living, and you should take that time, no matter what to do what YOU want.   Like I said before, any one of us could go before Eric, unexpectedly, and that’s exactly what this song is about.

Here’s the part of the song that really stuck out in my head:

Your life’s a wreck, your house is mess And your wardrobe way outdated

All your plans just keep on falling through

Overweight and under paid, under appreciated

I’m no guru, but I’ll tell you This I know is true.
You better get to livin’, givin’ A little more thought about bein’ A little more willin’

to make a better way

Don’t sweat the small stuff

Keep your chin up

Just hang tough

And if it gets too rough Fall on your knees and pray

And do that everyday

Then you’ll get to livin’.
The day we’re born we start to die

Don’t waste one minute of this life

Get to livin’

Share your dreams and share your laughter

Make some points for the great hereafter.
Better start carin’

Better start sharin’

Better start tryin’

Better start smiling

And you better get to livin’

This part stuck out in my head for one huge reason.  She talks about how all of these things don’t really matter.  “don’t sweat the small stuff” and “just get to livin’”  It’s so true.  Yeah, this situation sucks for Eric and I, but truth is, when we bust out of this place, we’re going to live as normal as we can, like we always have.   Why change our plans because cancer is here trying to destroy our lives.  If this truly is the last couple weeks Eric has, (and by looking at him right now, you wouldn’t think so) then what’s the point of us sitting around moping about it?  Doesn’t it make more sense to go out and do things the way we want?  Make some memories, laugh at things, and have fun, and enjoy each other’s company.

I want to say thank you again for EVERYONE’s support throughout all of this.  There are some really amazing people out there, and we are beyond thankful for all of them.  Also want to say good luck to everyone running the Boston Tomorrow! I know that Mike (Eric’s brother) and Lonnie, (Eric’s uncle) are both running and some other Team LIFE people running…so good luck tomorrow!