Why are you going to stop writing in your journal?
Alright, I’ll address this question now because if I don’t, I am sure that my inbox will become even more overloaded with this very same question. Figured this would probably be the best place to throw a quick response.
I started this endeavor with the website/fundraiser/journal to inform my readers about my status and how things are going. It grew pretty quickly from there. We’ve now raised about $30,000 for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society from 2003 to now. Even as my health continued to improve, I still felt compelled to write something every other week or so. It’s come a pretty long way in the past 12 months.
The first reason is that I am feeling much better physically now. I have little to nothing to write about my condition anymore…unless I were to relapse again or something. So each time I write an entry, I struggle to come up with a message that will have real meaning. Quite often, I will sit down and want to write something, but maybe nothing has really happened. Maybe it’s been 2-3 weeks since I last wrote and I just can’t come up with anything to write about. I don’t want my entry to sound something like, “Well, I woke up today…had a bowl of cheerios…went to work….got home…had some dinner…went to bed. The end.” Ideally, I’d like each of my entries to have some sort of meaning…especially now that I am feeling better.
I guess my second reason would be that the one year anniversary since this whole thing sort of launched is coming up pretty soon here. For whatever reason, it feels like a good time to wrap this up.
Another reason, and this one isn’t as important to me, but each week I seem to get less and less hits on my entries. I know there are a lot of you that follow my journal and you have been great support. I hope that this whole thing has been as enjoyable for you as it was for me. I get a lot of feedback from people telling me that I should write a book or something. I don’t even know how I would go about doing something like that. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t interested in the idea. I think it would be great if I could put something together and donate the proceeds towards cancer. I know this is really off topic and doesn’t answer the question at all at the top but if anyone has any connections/tips/advice on how to get something like that going, “have your people talk to my people.” 🙂 Did I just say that? Yep…I guess I did.
Back to the question…what it really all boils down to…is that I have said everything that I could and I just don’t have anything left in my wee little mind to tell you all. We’ve been through a lot of shit together. The reason I say “we” is that because I have come to the realization that a lot of you were right there with me through it all by actively reading my journals or coming to visit me or writing me a letter or card or something. However you or anyone you know connected to me or I connected to you is something that I will never forget.
I assure you my next journal entry will be VERY long. This whole thing, all of my journals up to this point, adds up to over like 55,000 words now. A lot has been thought. A lot has been said. A lot has been felt.
Know that this was not an easy decision to make…not at all. I hope you all don’t feel like I am abandoning you or something, because that is not my intent. In all honesty, I probably won’t quit writing cold turkey. To what extent I will continue to write I do not know. I’ve gotten more responses from people about my blog/journey/etc in the past 24 hours than I have had in the past 12 months…whatever or however this whole thing wraps up…just know that the words and feedback that I have gotten have meant A LOT to me and I will never forget you guys.
P.S. From the entry in my guestbook…who the heck dropped a can of baked beans on my foot in N.C.? I’ve only been there a handful of times and I leaning towards one of my cousins (I won’t reveal the name that I suspect, because of the anonymousness of the guestbook entry) ….but I can’t remember who that is for the life of me! Respond!